day 3

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this morning was tough. yesterday beat me up a bit and i found myself just wanting to stay in bed and wishing it was saturday and not merely thursday.

but i woke up. took oliver for a short walk. unrolled my mat and laid on a bolster for about 10 minutes. that’s it. my back needed it. and i needed to just spend that time in quiet.

of course, i have a tiny dog. this tiny dog wants to play always sometimes if i time it right he will just lay near me while i practice or cozy on to the mat while i am in forward folds. but more often than not, he just runs around the mat while i am on it. sometimes barking at it. it makes for an interesting practice. it’s also an interesting practice on just letting go of what is happening around me while i am on the mat. i am getting better at stopping so i can see what he is chewing on. or telling him to stop when he keeps nuzzling me. it’s annoying. but as much as i hate this saying – it is what it is.

day 2

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i made it on my mat again today. a little bit later and little bit less motivated. but i made it. i spent a lot of time in back bends. my back has been off lately. my entire body has been off. oliver assisted once again. or is that “assisted”?

yesterday was an oddly smooth day. there was some disturbing news about a relative, but at work, things went smoothly. my hearings went off without a hitch. i made it through some of the pile on my desk. all the errands and tasks i needed to get done, got done. i even got my dog washed.

i am not so ridiculous as to assume yesterday was good because i practiced. but i will say when i spend even a few moments on my mat, i feel better. it may be for a short time. but i feel immensely calmer. there’s no guarantee that i won’t walk into work and that entire calm goes away, but for now it’s here. i talk about it when i teach too. i try to cultivate an inner stillness with students and within my own practice. this is something that drew me to yoga initially. that quiet. that moment where everything kind of fits in place or doesn’t matter. it could be 60 seconds. but i crave it. i try to remember that post-savasana high once i leave a practice and carry it with me.

a challenge

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I have been a yoga teacher for about a year and a half.  I also got engaged and married in that same time frame.  I got into a few arguments.  I made a few decisions.  I spent some time at the Uffizi.  I ate a lot of gelato.  I had a song dedicated to me by my husband at an Old 97s show.  (thank you to Rhett Miller for reading twitter before the show) I made a dedication to fringe and red lipstick although currently I’m not wearing either.  (thank goodness for tonight’s hair appointment and eventually it won’t be so warm that all make up feels like a chore.)  There has been immense joy and awful sadness.  And in all of that, I keep figuring out who I am a bit more.  

I still believe that much of what happens in life seems to be a crazy and random happenstance.  And with that we just have to have faith that things will work out.  But I still worry a lot.  Wake myself up sometimes with worry.  But for the most part I am learning to trust that things usually work out.  

I titled this post a challenge because over the past few months, I’ve lost some things.  Specifically, my yoga practice.  I don’t know where it went.  I had a good few weeks here and there, but I’ve lost that joy when I practice.  I still teach.  And I get an incredible joy and high from teaching.  I love to play with sequences and test out song choices.  

But my practice, it’s lost the joy.  

What is my challenge, you ask?

Yoga.  Thirty days of it in fact.  But even more specifically, it’s about rebuilding my relationship with my mat.  I bought a bright green mat last summer and I have never really gotten to know it.  I still hold on to my old black mat.  Both by Manduka.  Both great products.  But it’s time I got to know the newer mat.  

My goal is to roll out my mat each morning – likely with the “helpful” assistance of my dog – and practice.  My practice might just be a very involved and sweaty vinyasa flow or it might just be a handful of sun salutations followed by savasana or it might just be Oliver and me sitting on the mat with our eyes closed trying to center.  The goal is to roll out my mat.  

This morning’s practice was short.  A few sun salutations, some Warriors, and glorious forward folds.  I held the few poses I did for a long time.  I like to play with that every so often.  

So day one is done.  Join me as I make it through the next 29 days.  

snow showers.

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i love snow storms.  i’ve been craving one really amazing storm this year.  unfortunately, it seems to be coming at a crappy time.

saturday is the date my family is throwing my bridal shower.  unfortunately, it is also the day that we are potentially cleaning out from the giant snow storm strangely named nemo.  the event is scheduled for mid morning and the logical thing to do is to devise a plan b.  i’m annoyed.  and sad.  and also incredibly amused.  

i’m annoyed because well, seriously, snow.  you couldn’t have timed this a day earlier or later??

i’m sad because certain people are not going to be able to make it because of travel and i will miss them not being there.  especially those persons i’m missing terribly not being around lately.

and amused because well, it makes sense.  the story goes that my mom’s bridal shower was a surprise.  my dad took her to some hall in downtown hartford and the shower was on the second floor.  my mom took one look in that room, saw all the people, and turned around and booked it down the stairs and onto the street.  mind you, this was likely in january or december so it was probably cold and possibly snowy.  and there’s my mom freaking out running down the street with my dad chasing her.  all of this is unbelievably hilarious to me.

and because of that, it seems logical that my shower would have chaos attached. 

i mean, i’d rather not be making a phone tree and trying to move the location or date.  but it is what it is, right? 

today is an exercise in mindfulness.  and just taking each moment as it comes.  i mean, i’d rather the snow storm now and not during the actual wedding?

it’s cold

this is all anyone will talk about.  and it’s true.  it’s pretty much ridiculously cold out.  my face and hands are raw.

but instead of thinking about cold, here is what i will think about:

  • yellow shoes
  • spinach salad
  • being upside down
  • shiny rings
  • april and may 2013
  • the return of mad men
  • peanut butter

 

 

goin’ to the chapel

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in three months and one week i will be getting married.  it has taken a long time to get to this date, but it’s finally here.  and i am starting to get some of the mini-panic.  the “oh crap, what have i forgotten.”  i am sure this will continue and there is really nothing i can do about it.  just ride it out…

i keep being told to remember it’s my day.  do what i want.  don’t listen to anyone else.

but let’s be real –  the marriage is mine.  that is going to be ours and no one else can direct us what to do and how to be.

but, the wedding … this big party … it will be fun, for sure.  but it’s for everyone.  it provides a welcome opportunity for family to get together when we don’t see each other nearly often enough.  it provides a chance for friends to get dressed up and have some drinks and eat some great food and be an absolute goof on the dance floor.  and it’s a really big deal for my dad. 

there are a few things i probably wouldn’t have chosen to do (like, the church, serve pasta, guest list size).  but it’s made my dad happy.  and that means a whole lot more to me than pulling any sort of hissy fit about it being my day.

i can’t imagine any sort of hissy fit.  my heart is filled with so much gratitude to everyone for everything they have shared.  there is absolutely no room for me to freak out about anything.

so family, friends – you get the wedding. 

just leave us alone to be married. 

this month’s wedding mission – find yellow shoes.

then. and later.

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Then:

  • set  a date
  • found a dress
  • discovered red lipstick
  • read more
  • listened more
  • embraced fear
  • veins, veins, and more veins.
  • teaching
  • santosha
  • breathed more
  • loved
  • fringe
  • highlights
  • moma at night
  • steam train
  • grateful
  • yoga

later

  • get hitched
  • paris
  • florence
  • the david
  • botticelli
  • wear more lipstick
  • sparkle
  • headstands
  • read
  • listen
  • music
  • nyc
  • love
  • be loved
  • be grateful
  • yoga