there’s something indulgent about a snow day. i’m in bed alternately reading and writing and staring out my window watching the snow fall. i’m debating making some pizza later and will probably watch a movie or two.
there’s a part of me that thinks i should be productive. organize my office. do laundry. mop the floors.
there’s another part of me that thinks i should just keep sitting here.
and then there’s the part of me that is still sad. yesterday was a sad day. i get them every so often. and it’s this feeling of complete sadness and loneliness that comes out of no where and for no reason. everything was wrong. i couldn’t bring myself to ask for what i wanted. and the things i wanted seemed unreasonable. and i just wanted to cry. and i did. i felt a little bit better. and waking up to the wonder of snow indeed helped a lot this morning.
moods are variable. things are good. i’m probably the happiest i’ve been in a long time. but, i still get the “alone in the world” feeling. i know i am not. in fact, part of what was making me feel alone was the fact that i wasn’t alone. i know that doesn’t make sense. but, i hit the point of overwhelmed yesterday. there was too much coming at me all day between personal and work that i did not know how to process it all. i ended my day wasted and alone on my couch watching Up.
and because moods are so variable, i know that after staring at the snow for a few more hours and reading about candy and listening to music, i’ll be back to my usual self.