I’m currently sitting in a waiting room at the dentist office on the Saturday of a long holiday weekend waiting for my dads tooth to get bonded. 

Not exactly how I want to spend this morning, but it beats missing more work and once this is done, I have the rest of the weekend to play and enjoy the husband and the kid. I even snuck in a little quiet me time this morning while everyone slept in. Well, not exactly quiet. I drank coffee and caught up on The Mindy Project. Stan from Mad Men is the current love interest (just don’t ask me the name of his character.) As I often do, I mindlessly perused Facebook and stumbled on a post on a mom oriented page from someone just looking for positivity and support while she struggles to get pregnant with her second child. She wrote about how getting her period each month makes her cry. 

I commented with a brief note of understanding her sadness and sending her love. 

There’s not more I’d want to hear in that situation. Just support and love. 

I really don’t like when people tell me it will happen if I want it. Pregnancy doesn’t work that way. You can’t wish yourself pregnant. You can’t really wish yourself anything. But you really can’t wish yourself pregnant. 

Or I’m lucky to have my daughter. Yes. I am. I know that. Don’t make it sound like I’m greedy or selfish or not grateful. My daughter is the best thing I’ve made. I love her to pieces and am beyond grateful about how lucky my husband and I are. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’d like to be more lucky. I’d like to have another child to share that joy and luck with.  

The worst though is the “if it’s meant to be, it will happen.” There’s something so fatalist about this. I mean, to a degree it’s true. But at the same time I don’t want to hear that. I am angry and feeling a little sad at not being pregnant each month. Don’t try to minimize that. 

While I’m at it, don’t ask me why we don’t have a second. Or tell me it’s time. 

Just don’t. 

Pregnancy is such a crap shoot in the best of circumstances. And we tend to create expectations of what we want in our life. At least I do. I always knew I wanted to be a mom. (Not a mother. But a mom.). I always saw myself with two kids. And I think it would be amazing for my daughter to have a sibling. It doesn’t change how great life with my daughter is now. Not one bit. I just want to increase that greatness. 

I am slowly accepting what I have now and trying to appreciate that to the fullest. Trying to remove the stress of wanting something else. It doesn’t make me want less. Nope. Not one bit. It doesn’t make each month I get my period a jerk. 

But maybe I will stress less. And I am thinking that’s a good thing all around. 

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