the wedding is a mere 7ish months away. a lot has been done since i last checked in with this blog. i found a dress (one third of my budgeted amount at a consignment shop. you have no idea how ridiculously proud i am of that!). we found a photographer. we have a dj. i’ve been given a few million opinions from all varied sources. i’ve read all the blogs. oh! and pinterest. yeah, the wedding is slowly coming together.
and it’s all been fun. tasting the food at our venue was amazing. looking at different fonts for invitations is ridiculous and fun. thinking about what photo booth props we want to make is completely enthralling. i mean, i’m planning a huge party with the guy i love. what’s not to enjoy and love?
but i still haven’t found a way to address the mom comments. the “so do you want to talk about this with your mom?” or “is your mom here?” you know what i mean.
because the assumption is that if i’m a bride, my mom must not be far behind.
i know there is no malice behind this. but it’s a very uncomfortable assumption. i really think people working in the wedding industry should be better attuned to this. you know, it sucks planning a wedding without your mom. it sucks even more when you walk into a bridal shop and they assume your mom is not far behind.
but this isn’t even the worst of the mom comments. the worst are the ones that come after it is revealed that my mom passed away. the “oh my god, i can’t even imagine what you are going through, my mom was such a huge help at my wedding, it must be so hard and sad for you. i am so so sorry.”
my problem with this comment is that it doesn’t make me feel better. i know you are just being kind. it is really hard, but i don’t know you. a simple i’m sorry is fine. i don’t need to hear about how hard it would be for you to have to plan wedding without your mom.
but the worst comment for me is:
“well, i have worked with other clients who have a deceased parent and this is what they have chosen to do and i think it was amazing and was such a great way to remember their mom or dad and wouldn’t it be great for you to do that too.”
see, i have a plan. and i’m glad you have had clients that have done something to properly honor their parent. but i just told you my plan. i don’t want to change it. i am pretty flexible on a lot of things, but not this. i have a plan i intend to carry out. make that plan happen for me. i will be inflexible. i know how i want to do this. don’t try to convince me otherwise.
other than this though, i really don’t understand why wedding planning turns people crazy. i fully expect to be chaotic next march. but, this has been ridiculous fun. so much fun.