I don’t know when it happened, but I’m not sure I like it. Somewhere along the line I became responsible. Had a steady job for more than 5 years. Have “savings.” Debate whether or not a new hoodie is a necessary purchase. Plan for a well balanced meal. Or egads! Actually got rid of some of the tank tops and tshirts that had been my uniform for years.
But at the same time, that other part of me thinks I’m really still fifteen. I bought a pair of red converse because Gwen Cooper wore them the first season of Torchwood. Wearing pigtails (when my hair allowed it) was the norm. I like the big blockbuster comic book movies that have become the style each summer. I still laugh at stupid jokes. And I still have a fine appreciation for The State.
I am not sure when this all happened. It shocked me this week when I was told I look my age. I have never looked my age. When I was a kid, I looked older. And when I was 24 I would get carded buying cigarettes. And now, I “look my age.” I was assured that was not a bad thing. The exact quote was
“You look like someone in her late 20s/early 30s.”
Granted, I know that’s not old. But that also means that when I consider dating someone the age range is not 25-30. But 35-40. And THAT is a scary consideration. When did that become my demographic? My knee jerk reaction is that I couldn’t consider a 39 year old to grasp my pop cultural references. Until I realize that “OH MY GOD, I HAVE THE SAME POP CULTURAL REFERENCES AS A 39 YEAR OLD!!!”
Rationally, I know this is not old. I know that I’m only a scary eight years away from that number. I know that I best get along with people older than me in most aspects of life. I know that I’ve always been beyond responsible and together in this life. And in that respect have always acted more mature than my years might be. I also know that in the great scheme of things 31 is pretty freakin young.
But if we all thought rationally, where would the fun be in that? There would be no more late night mind ramblings. There would be no more over reactions to simple things in life. Goodbye to overthinking how that date went. And that life, while calm and serene, would be a little bit boring methinks.
I’m doing my best to remember that there are plusses to being a grown up. I can get on any ride at the amusement park. I can buy myself things without worrying about having to ask mom or dad for money. I own a car I dig (Hi Severus!) I am respected in my field and people actually seek out my opinion. (That is also a shocking moment in the growing up.) I’ve had a lot more time to better form my opinions on life and thoughts. I grew up with some of the better pop cultural experiences. (The State, Tommy Boy, Colin Firth as Darcy, Edward Scissorhands, Buffy – the way vampires should be, Green Day)
While I still do not know when it happened or how, I’m grateful for these little things. I also really like the little crinkles around my eyes when I smile.
And while this song doesn’t quite fit this post, it’s been in my head all week. The Todd Snider obsession will be here all summer. Stay tuned.